Tail of the Job Interview

Had a job interview scheduled for this morning for 11am. With whom will remain anonymous to protect the innocent....

Started prepping for it yesterday. Did nails, cuz they were too long which interfered with my typing and the polish was chipped. Boned up on my typing by taking endless tests on-line, just in case a typing test would be required. Not having the slightest idea what bookkeeping program they employ, IF it isn’t custom designed for the corporation, I reviewed Lotus, Excel and the Open Office Spreadsheet program. Was really hoping they would just use Quick Books Pro since I have about 17 years of experience.

Awoke around 5am this morning to consider those dumb questions that interviewers always ask. You know the kind ....

What would you like to be when you grow up? Huh? Am I in 9th grade? My goal in life then was to be “a married mommy.” Guess I pretty much achieved that one! Does that even count????

Name a few of your life’s goals and explain where you see yourself in 20 years. Twenty years? Really? Am kinda hoping for the Rapture.....oh! you don’t believe in the Rapture? OK – hopefully, I will still be of sound mind & body and collecting a big fat social security check (Don’t laugh – that’s rude) and a pension from the State of Florida, which will pale in comparison to the one I will be collecting from your company..... (big toothy grin called for here).

Describe a particular crisis you encountered on-the-job and explain how you brought it to a positive conclusion. Include concerns and issues and what you may have learned from this experience. HUH??? OK, how about the time a parent marched into my office at Forest Hill High School asking if I was the long-haired, fat bitch she had just talked to on the phone. When I admitted that “yes, that was probably me, although long-haired, I didn’t believe it was right to call me fat,” she announced she was going to “kick my ass” because the dean had not returned her call. I stood as talk as I could and replied meekly, “If you feel froggy, then jump,” all the while I was calling for security on the walkie-talkie. Security arrived. Gorilla John immediately grabbed the foul mouthed offender, threw her against the wall and hand cuffed her. I sat out the rest of the event in the main office. I think that had a real good outcome. And I also had my hair trimmed the next day so as not to offend as well as noting never, ever to admit that I spoke to anyone on any phone.

Not what you’re looking for? OK, how about the time, fresh from being certified in non-violent crisis intervention, when I grabbed a male student in a bear hug to prevent him from “killing some mother?” (I think he said mother). Finding myself, nose to nose with this mature student, seeing the fire in his Latin eyes and smelling stale tacos on his breath, my chest pressed hard into his, I blushed and managed to utter, “Enjoy this hug! It will never happen again!” During what seemed to be an embarrassing ordeal for me, I asked stupid questions like “What do you want to be when you grow up, Amigo?” He was cool with it, letting me restrain him long enough to steer him back to my office. As soon as I turned my back, he escaped. I learned that I needed restraints if I was expected to hold someone prisoner.

After the interviewer’s possible questions were reviewed, I started getting dressed about 9:30. Tried on several outfits, finally found one that I deemed suitable, professional -- a traditional suit. Got my makeup done and was happy with it. Headed out the door, giving myself plenty of time to arrive timely so as not to be late. Got there with 15 minutes to spare. Announced myself and waited. One young lady approached, asking if she could help me. I told her I had an 11am interview with Keisha but that I was early.... She returned in a few minutes to ask my name. Then a few minutes after that, returned to tell me that Keisha would be out in a few minutes. I saw down, picked up a magazine. Don’t think I had finished perusing the cover when I heard the double doors open again. A white girl appeared, said her name was Kelly. She informed me that it was she who had scheduled the interview appointment, but that Corporate had just informed them that there was a hiring freeze until February sometime. I smiled. I thanked her for her time. Told her, "things happen"..... She said that as soon as the hiring freeze is lifted, she will again be contacting all of the applicants to set up interviews. I thanked her again.

Wow! Am I a dummy or what? I thanked her for her time, and smiled, and shook her hand. I even attempted to comfort her with my “things happen” comment. Why hadn’t she called me to cancel our appointment? Was I there when Corporate made the emergency call? Or when someone looked at the email? What took them so long to tell me. Were they fighting over who would have to go tell the woman that the interview was cancelled? Apparently Keisha lucked out! Not only my time, but my gas to get there????

OK not a problem. Actually, I am Blessed! Blessed beyond measure. For one thing, I didn’t have to struggle through attempting to give a suitable, interesting, creative and honest answer to one of those stupid questions. I didn’t have to leave feeling good, or feeling bad ... wondering if I would get a second interview, or if I would be hired. I didn’t have to struggle with, “am I really only worth minimum wage? With 27 years experience?... and a Bachelor’s degree? No, I didn’t. PLUS, my hubby has a job for which we are so very grateful! And the LORD is good. After all, all things work together for good to those who love God, who are called according to His Plan and His Purpose.