I've been struggling with Chap 4 of Romans this week. Struggling to the point of my eyes are reading, but my mind goes off on a day dream some where else. And then I have to begin over again and before I know it, even though my eyes are obedient, I am once again off running down rabbits. Have tried reading aloud. It’s amazing how eyes and lips can work independently from the brain. “My” Bible is New King James. We have several other translations at our fingertips not to mention that all are available online should we choose. I picked up “The Living Bible” and suddenly, in this plain language, chapters 3 and 4 are clear. At the very least, my eyes and lips and brain all work together for understanding without field trips to other places. No, I lie. Actually, I did take a detour of sorts, due in part to my OCD about terms and definitions and EXACT meanings of words. “Trust” was the culprit this time.
I imagined flopping in a chair without even thinking about whether that chair could hold me or not. Not even my chair, but a strange chair. This is the kind of faith in the LORD that Abraham had. I’ve had that faith in the past, and sometimes even in the present ... maybe?... depending upon the day and the time of day, the subject, the weather, what color it is. You get the idea? But I digress. This is total, non-questioning faith. This is the kind of faith that the Lord wants us all to have.
Rather than that kind of faith, I find myself possessing the kind that examines the chair first. It feels the legs for sturdiness, examines the fasteners....and God forbid that the fasteners are invisible, like dowels and transparent glue. I can even see myself sitting down very carefully, in slow motion, letting my weight come to rest in the seat, partially -- but holding the front legs with my hands. Bending completely over in my seat to watch the legs for any slight buckle while griping them tight to insure I don’t fall. That’s the “insurance-type” of faith. I think many of us employ this type of faith these days....the just-in-case the LORD is busy right now and not watching, “I will take the pains to insure my own well-being type of faith.
Last but not least, there is the suspicious faith. That’s where after careful examination of the chair, walking around it several times checking it out in complete detail, I choose NOT to sit in it. Instead, I sit on the floor beside it. I watch it with great doubt, sometimes with total belief that it can’t even sustain itself with no added weight what-so-ever. I fool myself that I am, in fact, arming myself with knowledge when in reality, I am experiencing true & total disbelief. Disbelief .... that means having a total lack of trust. True faith equals total trust.
(More on this subject later. Faith's tail just got slammed in the door.)
